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**Renamed** The Official Joke Thread
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Should Smoke add a joke section?
Heck Yeah!!!
75%
 75%  [ 3 ]
Naaa People Would Abuse It.
25%
 25%  [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 4

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nwcc
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Joined: 11 Aug 2005
Posts: 453
Location: Pacific Northwest
158.80 points



PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 1:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic high school girls and they all
perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St.
Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with
a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the
head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip the
tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question,"Jennifer, have you ever
had any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but
replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Okay,
dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One
girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the
front, St.Peter says, "Reeva, What seems to be the rush?" The girl
replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do
it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
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af2
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1933 Willys Coupe

PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 6:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just remember who caused this? Laughing Laughing Bull Sh!t Bull Sh!t Inherited ! Yes.
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squeeezer
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1991 Chevrolet Camaro

PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

did you guys hear about the child born without eyelids?

the doctor referred a plastic surgeon

the plastic surgeon used the skin from the childs scrotum

the surgery was a success

still the parents filled a malpractice suit

wanna know what they sued for

their child is now cockeyed!!!!
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af2
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1933 Willys Coupe

PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 7:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chinese say if you walk through a door way sideways with a hard on you are going to Bangkok!
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10sec.et
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1969 Oldsmobile Cutlass

PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 8:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Confucius says, wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house.
_________________
af2 wrote:
It seems we can look at our magical Balls and come up with a fix?

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10sec.et
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1969 Oldsmobile Cutlass

PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 11:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dianne goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem.
I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."

The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the
doctor goes round to see her when she is ready.

"Well, what is it?" he asks.

"It's a bit embarrassing," she replies. "These two green circles have appeared
on the inside of my thighs."

The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is.
Then he suddenly asks, "Is your boyfriend a Harley rider?"

The woman blushes and says, "Well, actually he is."

"That's the problem," the doctor says. "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

_________________
af2 wrote:
It seems we can look at our magical Balls and come up with a fix?

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10sec.et
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Joined: 29 Mar 2006
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Location: Houston,Texas
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1969 Oldsmobile Cutlass

PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 11:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I rear ended a car this morning... The start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"
So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
That's how the fight started...

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af2 wrote:
It seems we can look at our magical Balls and come up with a fix?

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squeeezer
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1991 Chevrolet Camaro

PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 12:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

a woman gets pulled over on her way to work . the cop asks the usual question why are you in such a hurry. the women replies that she is late for work and he cuts her off and says I suppose you have a really important job like a doctor where it a matter of life and death that you be there huh. the lady says no actually I am a asshole stretcher. the cop says an asshole stretcher what is that. she says it is where you start with one finger and then work in a second until you got your whole hand in there and then the other hand and you keep stretching until it is about six foot. the cop says well what do you do with a six foot asshole? the lady says give them a gun and badge and have them pull people over that are late for work
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squeeezer
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1991 Chevrolet Camaro

PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 12:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One day there was a cop on a horse, a lil girl came by on her bike, the cop asked her "did santa give you that bike" he chuckled, the lil girl said "Yes sir!" the Cop smiled and wrote her a ticket "tell santa to put a tailight on it next year" the lil girl looked up at him and said "did santa give you that Horse?" the Cop grinned and said "Why yes he did" the lil girl said " next time tell santa that the dick goes on the bottom of the horse not the top"
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squeeezer
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1991 Chevrolet Camaro

PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 12:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

now i know ill get pulled over soon Driving





been a few years!!!!!!! paranoid
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William Jones
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28456.50 points


1971 Ford Mustang

PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 5:21 am    Post subject: War stories Reply with quote

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scumbag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn't know how to drive. So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!" "And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."

_________________
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nwcc
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 6:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The jokes on US:

1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.

2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.

3. Colt: The original point and click interface.

4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.

5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords ?

6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.

7. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.

8. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any.

9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.

10. The United States Constitution (c)1791. All Rights Reserved.

11. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand ?

12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the
others.

13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

14. Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians.

15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.

16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.

17. 9-1-1: Government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.

18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.

19. Criminals love gun control; it makes their jobs safer.

20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.

21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them. No government need be afraid of its citizens if it is operating in its citizens' best interest.

22. You have only the rights you are willing to fight for.

23. Enforce the gun control laws we ALREADY have; don't make more.

24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.

25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.




"IF YOU DON'T STAND BEHIND OUR TROOPS . . .
PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO STAND IN FRONT OF THEM ! ! !



"Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not."
Thomas Jefferson
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af2
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1933 Willys Coupe

PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The joke was, given the opportunity you will be the victim holding a sword and will be forgotten! Those holding the knives will forget the sword and so on! Leave my guns alone there will be less crime! Period!
Hopefully? Question Naw! Laughing Ask a wanna be gangsta if he makes it out of our house!
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squeeezer
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1991 Chevrolet Camaro

PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 7:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

10 reasons handguns are better than women

#10 - YOU CAN TRADE AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22.
#9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD.
#8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN, AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.
#7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.
#6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.
#5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.
#4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH. #3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
#2 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU USE IT. And, the number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman...
#1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN !!! "
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Knarley Darley
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 9:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What is the definition of gun control?



Hitting what you aimed at with the first shot!
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